I’m an attractive young woman. I have a great smile, great body and long, beautiful locs I wear in bouncy curls. People even tell me I look like a young Lauryn Hill. I don’t say this to brag – I say this simply so you know what I’m working with.
Now, as attractive as I know myself to be, there are many days when I don’t feel attractive at all. And, why is this? It’s because I’m a black woman living in the United States.
Even though I live in a liberal state, I often feel the effects of white supremacy that is deeply embedded within our culture. I feel it when certain men tell me at bars, “I’m just not into black girls”; I feel it when white “friends” try to put me in my place for being a bit too cute; I feel it when I see pop cultural garbage like this nonsense or this. Sometimes, when I’m fed this on a daily basis, it can be easy to internalize and sometimes I begin to believe it.
My solution? Go travel.
“I find that men think black women are the most attractive women in the world.”
If you have a moment, I recommend watching the above video (skip to 20:00 to get to the good stuff). Tanya is an American woman living in Jerusalem with her husband and two kids. In this video, she describes her experience as a black woman in Israel and shares her friend Yamema’s story as well.
Although Yamema is clearly beautiful, I know she’d have a hard time dating in my city simply because she’s dark-skinned and has obvious African features. In Jerusalem, however, she’s had an entirely different experience because men from Israel don’t carry the same type of racial baggage as many men in the United States.
I’ve seen this for myself. Although finding a man in my part of town requires a bit of maneuvering, men couldn’t help but fawn over me when I traveled through Europe. Previously the shy girl in the background, I was reborn as the fun and flirty girl from America. When I finally came back to the States, I carried that same fun flirtiness I found in Europe and the men here definitely noticed. (That is, after all, how I caught my current boyfriend )
Now, that I’ve spent a good amount of time in the States, feeling attractive can sometime be a drag, but I know I can always take a quick trip somewhere to find that fun and flirty girl again.
So, ladies – once again – if you’re single, black and American, take my advice. Go travel.
And, P.S. Try to catch a husband while you’re there.